That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
