Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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