What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
