My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
