guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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