i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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