Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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