I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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