his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
