just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
