So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
