I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
