I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
