its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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