1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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