I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
