Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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