I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Fuck appropriateness.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
