dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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