my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
