That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
