just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
