Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
me + whiskey = a bad person
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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