My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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