guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
