I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
