I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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