Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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