Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
