do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
