she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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