no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
