I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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