I'm pants shitting drunk right now
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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