I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
