I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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