he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
