I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
