Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
