We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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