this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
