My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
