You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
