Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
