So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
