is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
