I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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