He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
