So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize