Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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