Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
