He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
