i already hear my dad disowning me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
