Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
