I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm too high and old for this...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
