Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
