Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
