i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
