no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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