I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
