he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
