If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
