If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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