she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
50% drunk capacity currently
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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