using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
