I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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