So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
