it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
